If I lost you

And I don't know what I'd do if I lost you


What is LOVE?

To be honest, I don't know. But I'm going to hazard a guess. Love is feeling comfortable with someone. Love is knowing you'd be diminished without that person in your life. Love is wanting to be near that person (even though you are used to being comfortable by yourself). Love is this fucked up state where you see people who are objectively more physically attractive but you are all like 'No...this is the one'...and then it is true. Love is compromise. Love is flowers unexpectedly. Love is just holding. Love is this weird emotion where you put others before yourself. Love is when you decide that maybe you want to make someone smile. And that when they smile, that will make you smile. And when they are sad, you're sad. And you don't know why you feel this way, but you do. And Love is. Love is. Love is knowing that there are people outside of yourself, and your actions affect them, and you change yourself because of that. Not because they ask you to. But because you feel something for them and you don't want to hurt them because of what you do.

We live as fast as we can

If we all should die tonight
We will have no regrets

If this night should take my life
(We cant go back we cant go)

What to write.? Other than, I listen to this song, and I want to write a semi-autobiographical novel based on my life. On all the paths I didn't take. Starting when I was 19 and I danced with a girl at the Kill Hannah winterhometown concert and never talked to her. What if I had? What if we had a tragic love affair?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmgq3CUIhVY

She had stars drawn around her eyes. She was young, insecure, and shy. We moved together. And it was beautiful. As Kill Hannah sang "New Heart for Xmas" and the snow fell around us, we moved as one. Stars in eyes.

This blog has almost exclusively become the deep rooted relationship I have with music. How music can stir up such strong emotions with me (you, us, anyone?).

Sometimes, I have a hard time expressing how I feel. Maybe that is why I have such an affinity for bands whose songs are such sprawling, vast, and far flung works. (but that is most likely the English Major in me reading far too much into things)

But sometimes, what you need to say (what you feel, think, want to scream out) can only be expressed in restraint. In building. In the empty spaces.

Sometimes it is what you don't say that reveals who you really are.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBmBDc3TVcY

This music video of supreme simplicity, both in visual and audio...yet it evokes so much. The tension, the building. The vastness. I feel like I could scream, and the song would swallow the sound up (that I could scream at any point in the song and it would fit).

And that is how I feel. Vast, empty, full of tension, restraint, terror, sprawling, and on and on...

We live as fast as we can

Do you know who you are? Really, deep down? Because I sure as hell don't. I could write more...but I won't.



Do what you do and you say what you say
You can wear what you want
But we still look the same

Do you even know who you are?
Do you even know who you are?
Do you really know who you are?

A Modern Day Augustine

It is interesting (funny, humourous, sad, overwhelming?) to think about people from the past who we now venerate and esteem. St. Augustine was once a man, not a literary, religious figure. He lived. He wrote down his experiences, and due to happenstance (God, fate, design), those experiences were preserved and now we hold him as an exemplar of Christianity. He shows us the path from darkness to light.

A modern day Augustine would have no idea of his importance. He would simply write and live his life as best he thought. He only becomes St. Augustine centuries later, when history reclaims his words and deems them worthy of remembering. Until then, he is just Augustine. If his words are deemed not noteworthy enough for the modern age and he is relegated to the forgotten depths of history...his life is no less important, just less remembered by a different age. Augustine still lived, he still loved, he still tried, he still had impact, even if future generations didn't deem him worthy to remember.

The voice that speaks these words
Gives them wings to fly
(Where they fly one will never know
Though one can hope)

How I was, How I am

I've strayed away from this blog for awhile because I've been writing in my paper journal. But sometimes you need to write fast, and I can't do that with a pen-and-paper journal. My hand doesn't keep up with my thoughts. There is no 'Delete' button.

A friend of mine recently talked about alcohol/alcoholism so art of me wants to talk about that...but not really. It is a great subject...but not for tonight.


I'm getting older.

Statement. I'm almost 23. I'm out of college, in a "real job" internship, thinking about Law School (if I go to Law School, that is another 3 years worth of school...I'll be 27 basically when I'm done), marriage has been tossed around a bit. Fuck, I'm getting old.

And the thing is...I know I'm getting older because in years past, I would have just run away from these sorts of issues. I would've packed bags, headed out West and been done with the problems of trying to sort out my life.

But here I am...nearly 23, loving my "real job" internship, applying to Law School (soon), entertaining the thought of marriage, realizing that a lot of my friends from highschool have spouses and kids.

Perspective shifts when you get older. When it happens, I'll never know.
But (as I always do), let me quote a song. This song puts it better than any other I've ever heard.

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "Howwhywyz Howwhyam"

Am i getting older?
Are things getting harder?
I used to never cry when I would think about my father.
The years went by so goddamn fast,
You know, I've left a lot behind.
My devil may care attitude, you know, I just can't seem to find.
Once upon a time I never minded very much.
I never let it knock me down or grind me out of touch.
Once I had an outlook different than it is.
Full of dreams and schemes, it seems they just do not exist.
Once I told myself he will not be missed.
I never thought I'd see the day I'd ever feel like this.

I've never been a poet
Mostly I copy and paste the words of others as a substitute for how I feel
But when we are lying on your couch
Wrapped in you boot-wearing cat blanket
And every bit of you is covered
(excepted for your head)
And you're fast asleep
You can't see me smile

I'm currently job hunting. And it sucks, but listening to Agalloch's newest album Marrow of the Spirit helps get me through.
I've always loved their lyrics. A lot of naturalistic imagery. The music itself evokes images of wild, primal nature - vast, untamed forests; windswept, snow covered mountains....

They escaped the weight of darkness
to forge a path into the marrow of the spirit
They chose to drown in a deeper vacancy
an emptiness that quells the null
a pool for the forgotten

They escaped the weight of darkness
to drown in another...

Maybe no one knows what to do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_U-N9m9Hm0

I had so much to say...but suddenly all words escape me.

But this is how I feel

A Wilhelm Scream - "The Horse"


It's another day of fucking up a race horse.
Water mains will rinse off the mud.
Burn away the image, pull the blinders down.
And with hope a sound will mean the end.

I wouldn't consider myself a "religious" person. I try to "keep an open mind" (whatever that means) when it comes to those sorts of things. But as of lately, I've realized that I am wasting my life away - and that "wasting" cannot be ascribed to my genetic disposition or inherent calling for something else. Still, I hesitate to call this "wasting" as a 'wasting' of my "God given talents"...that feels like a cop out to me.

Rather, there is something else here. It's not a waste of my naturally given talents. Nor is it me wasting my God given talents.

Are people destined for certain things? I believe that maybe they are. Are people gifted with certain talents? Yes, they probably are.

Growing up, I was always taught that you had a specific calling in life, a Calling From God. I was taught that This Calling was something from the Divine.
It wasn't something that had to do with the talents you had.


But what if, for one second, we all forgot about what other people thought "God's intention" was for us. (Because, let's be honest...a lot of how you define yourself, at least in a Christian environment, is via what other people think of you and think what you will be). What if we all of the sudden synthesized our own lives - like Eric Liddell. What if we are called somewhere, but first we have to say, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast."

I once had a Religion prof. tell us a story - he was choosing between two jobs. A well paying and visible position as head pastor of a mega-church, or the two year teaching position to fill in for a different professor. (Theoretically, it shouldn't be that hard - stability and better money vs. two years of worse pay and then lets find a new job). But this man was in a quandary, and he turned to some friends who asked him, "Well, have you asked God for His plan?"

And do you know what my Prof. replied?

He said, "I have...and to be honest, it doesn't seem like it makes a big difference to Him. Both sides have their merits, both sides have their cons. God will be able to use me in either position, but I wanted your help to narrow it down."

The Protomen

I've been listening to The Protomen all day. A rock-opera based on Megaman? Yes please. I never really played Megaman or watched the cartoon show, but I love the whole concept behind these albums - very human and moving, not cheesy at all.

A mix of 1984, betrayal, romance, action - all set to this awesome mix of Sergio Leone/80's synth-punk.

My goal in life is to bring this to the stage.


"The State vs. Thomas Light" - the main character, Thomas Light, has been framed for the murder of his girlfriend by his best friend and co-creator of the robots, Albert Wily, and is being sentenced .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72dNF9LEhDE&feature=related

"Light Up the Night" - Light and the hopeful youth, Joe, make plans to retake the city from Wily's control.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkLvpt9Z3fA


There are the embers of a fire that's gone out,
But I can still feel the heat on my skin.
This mess where in, well you and I,
maybe you and I can
Light up the night

I doubt all the time. I doubt some of the most basic things in my life. But I am trying to put that behind me. To reclaim faith and trust. It is hard...but it is necessary.



Forget your fears,
and want no more.

At first light, lay proud foundations.
Sense the greatness, of that before you unfolds.
Seek no more, for hollow answers.
Answers that lay within you all along.

Farewell to dawns,
see through saddened eyes.
Farewell to pasts,
to sorrows chained.
Forget your fears,
and want no more.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
You'll be adored,
you will have everything.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
Forget your fears,
you will have everything.
And want no more...

VNV Nation - "Lastlight"

Anachronistic and impulsive.

The other day, I had a lucid dream.
Lucid dreams are both amazing and terrifying. In my dream (in which I was...not awake, but at least aware), there were extraterrestrial entities after me who wanted to control me via my dreams. They took the form of my family. They attacked me, and I had to kill them. I was forced to kill my family in my dreams.

It was terrible.


There is no underlying morality or message here. Other than...sometimes dreams are terrible things. Terrible, scary, fascinating, wonderful, horrible places.

Your dream world is a very scary place to be trapped inside
-Anathema

Eire's Day

A question - you pose a hypothetical/question. There is an underlying idea behind it. If you sharpen your hypothetical/question...does that underlying idea disappear/change?




One day I stood with my back to the wind
And the rain fell down
Raised my fist to the cobalt sky
And called to the Gods
...Where are you?

I stood in the stream with cold clear water
Rushing around me
Cold stone underfoot
And called again to the Gods
...Where are you?

I sat in the forest clearing
Surrounded by wood and leaf
A Raven watched my every move
I could feel my heartbeat Thundering
Deep within my veins

I set foot on foreign land
Held my brothers and sisters to me
And saw the same questions in them
Yet when I clasped their hands
I felt their Blood beneath mine
I had found my answer

Maybe love isn't

something that you can write down. Maybe Love is one of those things that poets and novelists and songwriters will forever talk about but never grasp fully.

But perhaps it is my faults and sins that prevent me from knowing what Love Truly is. Maybe my apostasy, my half-faith prevents me from knowing Love.

Maybe Love is giving up all of your Self. Maybe Love is absence of Self, subservience to Another.

I stopped believing, You start to move
(She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine)
I stopped my leaving and the better man bloomed
(And you can pour us out and we won't mind)

Maybe love is...

I can tell you what Love isn't.

Love isn't physical. An aspect of it can be, but Love Itself is not physical. If anything, Love is the opposite of the Physical. It is the Emotional. It is the Spiritual. It is found most deeply in the moments when you hold each other and whisper things you find it hard to talk about. That's love.
And Love isn't thinking only about your own satisfaction. It keeps a constant eye on the other, and their emotions. And what they want.
In order to love, you need Two. And Both need to support each other. (I reject the notion of Love as "completing someone else"). You support, you nurture. You hold the other up when they are down, and be with them when they are up.

maybe that's what love is...

I've got a tiny little secret,
Something so far-fetched,
That you may not have known about me.
I control the sun and all the elements
I'll dry out the ocean just to be
Able to walk right up to your front door
as you open it up I'll pull you close
My breath is lost, this isn't folklore,
but it's all we have my darling...

-Houston Calls- "I Fancy Abroad"

There is a certain lady in my life that I am in love with. And this verse from a favorite band of mine sums up my love for her.

And maybe that's what love is...
...the thought that if you were ever apart, you would part oceans just to be with someone.

I would.

I'm not terribly romantic, but if it ever came to this, I would part oceans and walk the distance to be with her.

I'm better now (not behind the eyes)

Sometimes, you have so much to say, but no one to say it to. And sometimes, you feel you have a lot to say, but you aren't sure what exactly what it is you have to say. And you feel weighted down, and you just want to convey that fact to someone who will understand. And sometimes, you had someone like that in the past, and you wonder if they remember that, and if you would still be able to talk to them the same way. And you realize that this is a form of deep deep friendship, of love. Not physical romantic love, but something deeper. To be able to show your weaknesses to someone is a deep and powerful thing. Soul-mates, one might say. And that's love.
...But relationships change. And maybe life has separated you, and you've grown so much that it would be inappropriate to have that kind of relationship anymore. And deep down, you mourn that, but you can't let anyone know.
Because no one would understand.
Because they don't love you like this person did.






Go to your music-player and play your favorite sad song. Then go to Rainymood.com
I'm going between
Rilo Kiley's "The Good That Won't Come Out"
I think I'll go out and embarrass myself
By getting drunk and falling down in the street
You say I choose sadness
That it never once has chosen me
Maybe you're right

Kill Hannah's "Last Night Here"
if this is our last night here
on planet earth
then i'll give you my heart
cause it hurts too much
if this is our last night here
i won't change a thing
i'll just grab on to you
and i feel you breathe

and

Waking Ashland's "Hands on Deck" (still my favourite music video of all time)
Another day another worry
Breaks right through
And indecision bleeds me dry
She's turning pages I'm not making for her
She's painting pictures without me in mind

it is strange how powerful music can be. i associate strong memories with certain songs. they take me back to very specific places, moments, people.
listening to the lostprophets album 'start something', and it is the summer before college. driving around appleton with my window down, delivering pizzas. the wind on my face, the long summer nights, the drama, the friendships.
listening to the killers always reminds me of driving around Tallahassee, her pristine truck, being young and in love.
listening to kill hannah's 'new heart for xmas' always reminds when i danced with a beautiful girl at their concert. she had stars drawn next to her eyes.
ljungblut's 'is there another way out', i'm driving back from the beach with friends. there is laughter, and smiles, and it is a beautiful moment. something right out of a movie.



So we made a wrong turn
back there
But let's just keep on
until there's nothing more to feel
We take our hands off the wheel
And let the love in

never be content

The new EP by Innerpartysystem came out a few days ago. Titled "Never Be Content". An apt name. Something I am struggling towards. Though I suppose I am trying to be content, but not complacent.

http://soundcloud.com/ipsrmx/sets/never-be-content

The track "Out of Touch" is far and above the best track on the EP. Lyrically, it just hits me hard.

I'm out of touch with all my friends / every time I see them again
All the days I've been away / would it be different if I stayed?

You're losing me...
...again

Driving on the empty road / I forgot I fell in love back home
I start to wonder if I changed / I start to wonder even if you feel the same

I've kept in touch with friends from back home longer than most. But time and distance...every time I go home I feel more disconnected from them. Have I changed? Have they? Is losing connection with your past friends inevitable? Healthy? Part of growing up?

Choose one word to describe yourself.

Now, ask you friends to give one word that describes you.

(they won't match up)


You'll generally see the worst in yourself

And your friends...they'll generally see the good (not even the best, just the good) in you.



And that staggers me.
Contradictory (steadfastly-loyal)
Insincere (caring)
Selfish (adaptable)



I don't think I could ever be as bad as I fear I am...but I strive to live up to what my friends expect of me.

I love Rosetta

With your hands wide open
Release
(an energy)

Scatter - Scatter
energy



With your hands wide open

Renew the days we all thought
(lost)

Renew the days


Release
Revolve
Renew

Sometimes, you are lying in bed wearing nothing but your boxers about to watch a movie with your ladyfriend...when one of your housemates walks into the room. And then one turns into two turns into three. And suddenly, you are hanging out with your friends whilst you huddle under the blankets, and life is good and absurd and fun.
And then you realize...life is really enhanced by series of odd, almost unexplainable events.

I've finally moved out of the basement and into the upstairs. A smaller room. A room with a nice view of sunrise/sunset.

And I feel invigorated. I feel the urge to write. I feel the lethargy that has gripped me for several months diminishing (though this may coincide with the Spring like weather we had today).

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and it is my first Valentine's Day in....5 or 6 years that I will spend with someone. Our initial plans have fallen through, but whatever we end up doing, I'll be happy. Because sometimes, there are people that come into your life that you feel comfortable around. And you know they aren't perfect, and they know you aren't perfect, but for some reason, you still love each other. And all your fears and doubts become diminished when you are with them.

Maybe that is what it means to Love someone. When you Love someone, your Fear and Doubt fade, and they help you face a world of Uncertainty with Strength.

Memoir 1

I've always been a quiet, shy, and introspective person. I've never had many friends. And those friends I do have, I hold dearly. That being said, I've always hated being alone for extended periods of time. Though quiet, I crave to be around others. Even being a silent observer is better than being alone.
Perhaps that is why my Junior year Spring Break was so hard. My plans had fallen through, so I would be spending a week plus alone at Sojourners'. Being only 20, I had my roommates buy my three handles of liquor - Vodka, Gin, and Tequila - before they left. The 3 Wise Men, I called them, in mockery of the faith I had once held so dearly.
Knowing that none of my friends would be in town for the week, I made ambitious plans to work on several big end of term projects and papers. I was convinced that I would find the will to go to Calvin each day and hunker down in the library for research and writing. If I did so, I wouldn't have to worry for the rest of the semester - it would be a cake-walk.
Alas, the 3 Wise Men stared me in the face, I could not tear myself away from their gaze. In those days, it took much less in order to get me tipsy or drunk. Nowadays, where it takes 9 to 10 drinks (roughly half a fifth or more), a scarce 3 or four shots would suffice. So, I drank.

At first it was just in the evenings, but soon I was drinking as soon as I woke up. I would then pass out in the early afternoon, only to awaken at night and would resume my drinking in short order. This went on for the better part of 9 days. Awake, eat, drink, pass out, arise, drink eat. pass out, repeat.
Five days in, things were not going so well. I had not been outside for longer than my shortened memory could recall. The only sunlight I saw was through the half pulled blinds. And I was growing increasingly paranoid. Paranoid to the point that I had tracked down my housemates' various knives and weapons and placed them strategically throughout my bedroom...just in case.

Towards the end of the week, I tried to break free of my self-imposed shackles, and I went out to get some fresh food. During my brief time outside, I ran across my friends who lived across the street. I suggested we use their grill for an outdoor Barbecue. I said that I would provide the burgers, this being at the point in my life when I had just developed some culinary talents and was convinced that my burgers were superior to anyone else's.

The cookout happened later on in the day, and I was in bad shape. Six or seven days of straight drinking had been hard on my system. Though it was an unusually warm Spring, I was shaking. Jaundiced and pale, I stood over the grill. I stood my ground firmly for an hour while the five or six of us at the cookout ate burgers and drank soda for an hour before the sick feeling welling up inside of me was too strong to ignore.
I excused myself as politely as I could before running back to my house. I threw up everything I had eaten in the past day. The burgers were still recognizable, though, thankfully, everything else was muddled and obscured. When I was done, I collapsed onto the bathroom floor and shook violently, partly from the strain of the vomiting, partly from the lack of sleep/exhaustion, but mostly from the fact that it had been nearly 24 hours since I had drank anything.

I collapsed into my bed and spent the next 48 hours there, only venturing forth for water and bread. I played movies on my laptop, but even the effort of watching them was too exhausting - I had to lie facing away from them with my eyes closed and simply listen to the sound. I was broken. My week long bender was at an end.

When my roommates and friends came back and asked me how my Spring Break had been, I lied. There was nothing else I could do. I invented stories of productive days spent working on papers/projects and reading books. Days spent under the warming Spring sun. Biking under blossoming trees.

Not wasting away, wasted in my basement.

I am a fallen man.
I am a broken man.
I am a failed man.

Day after day, I sit holed up in my room, in the basement, like some kind of subhuman troglodyte, wracked with panic attacks, depression, fear, trepidation, hesitation, doubt, etc...

Slipping....

...Slipping further....

(If I loved this, then why does it make me sick?)

Drinking to escape the thought of failure. Pride holding me back from trying my hand at anything. Too afraid to move forward. Too petrified to look back.

Stuck in the middle. And sick from the mirror.

(From a smiling drunk to the embarrassing lush)


Hoping that someone else will dig me out of this pit of despair that I've dug for myself. Waiting for something, anything other than me, to get me out of this self-destructive cycle.

And now, I can I only pray that my honesty will goad myself into action. To move past my fear and on into life. To do something, anything.


(This is the time, if it were up to me now.
This is the time, we can rise from the ground.
This is the time, hold onto me now.)

I excel at the mediocre. Even my alcohol consumption/disease is middle of the road - too strong to fully commit to alcoholism, too weak to stop myself from drinking.

(Today is the day that I see myself for what I really am...)

So, I wobble on half broken crutches. Both wanting to give in fully to the anesthetization of drink and to struggle on for the sake of friends, family, and self.

No one ever said that Life sucked this much. That the choices you had to make were so hard. (a poor and pitiful and childish excuse). That you might have to choose between the people you love and the things you want to do. The uncertainty of it all.

(I'm washing it down. Watch me fall.)

And one day you wake and realize that you aren't who you thought you'd be. And you wonder "Was my childhood image of myself naive and unrealistic, and am I just a realist now? Or am I really a disappointment to myself?"

(With a graceful fall did you waste it all?)

And you love others more than you love yourself. And you pour yourself into them, telling yourself, "If I can love someone else enough, I'll be worthwhile."
And you pray you don't succumb to the weakness of your parents, that you don't just give into the daily grind of life. The day-in day-out existence.

(Do I hear you folding up to fear?)

And every day you die a little more inside. Die from your own apathy and inaction. Die from stagnation. Die from fear. Die from hesitation. Die from all the ropes that held you down - whether real or imagined. Died because you made nothing of yourself because you were too afraid to commit to a path. Frightened by the options in front of you, you chose a different path - the path of inaction. The path of burying your head in the fucking sand like a coward. And the spark of your life did not go out like a brilliant blaze...but a fucking smoldering ember sputtering in and out, in and out, in and out of life until finally it sputtered to death.

(We can't say no.
Not anymore.)

this is how i feel

I keep on searching in the city streets,
I'm wide awake and I'm unafraid,
All these ships upon the violent waves,
I can't sleep until you're next to me,
I keep on searching in the city streets,
I'm wide awake and I'm unafraid,
All these ships upon the violent waves,
I can't sleep until you're next to me,
I can't sleep until you're next to me,
I won't sleep until you're next to me,
I won't sleep until you're next to me,
I won't sleep until you're here with me,
I won't sleep until you're next to me,
I won't sleep until you're next to me,
I won't sleep until you're here with me

The internet has been spotty around here as of late. But here I am, posting once again.

It is funny how much of a difference just a few days can make in your life. Over the course of 3 days, I drove to and from Maryland, the Packers secured their spot in the Super Bowl, I freak out and eventually realized I had no reason to worry.

I've often thought about writing a book that incorporates a lot of my life experiences. A faux-memoir, as it were. Not a real one, not a biography - I feel that would be far to aggrandizing and self-congratulatory. But I've had a lot of experiences/moments in my life that would translate well into story format - run ins with drug dealers, falling in love with an unknown beauty at a concert, late night walks in surreal snowfalls...all of it.

But I have a hard time putting pen to page.
Part of it is my fear of failure. Part is laziness. Part is something else. I'm not sure what to call it at this point.

There are two scenes in the Harry Potter Books that make me cry. The first is in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, when Harry is possessed by Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic.

Dumbledore - "It isn't how you are alike...it is how you are not"
Harry - "You're the weak one...and you'll never know love or friendship...and I feel sorry for you."

The second is the Resurrection Stone scene.

GAAAAAAHHHH

I'm completely, totally, insanely, devotedly in love with a certain Emmabear.

I've always been a man who was a slave to his lusts and passions...and to be honest, those aren't gone now. However, all they require is for me to think for 0.30seconds and I'll reach the conclusion, "Why yes, I am more satisfied with who I have, and she completes me on an entire spectrum, not just on some physical level."

The minute your hand
reached out for mine,
bursting out of time.
Brought life through love,

Today

Today (well, technically yesterday), I told the most perfect and beautiful girl that I was going to eventually ask her to marry me. It's not the same as an actual proposal, but I told her that for a number of reasons. 1.) I've know it for about 6 months. 2.) If I didn't tell her...I'd've gone crazy.

But seriously. It is a powerful and overwhelming thing to know the person you love so much that one day you will ask them to marry you. And one day I'll ask her. And one day, I pray she'll find me worthy.

(2010 mixtape song)
5. A Wilhelm Scream - "In Vino Veritas II"

2010 Retrospective Mix Tape

2010 was overall a good year for me. I graduated college, snagged an amazing girlfriend, friends got engaged/married, etc... Still, there were some parts that were pretty shitty. I want to remember both aspects. I want to embrace all of life.

Looking at my Last.fm account...13 of my top 15 songs played throughout the year of 2010 were from A Wilhelm Scream. The other two were from Third Eye Blind. Here is a retrospective mixtape of my past year that includes more than just those two bands.

1. Rosetta - "Release"
(the problem with now is no matter how much we, it doesn't last forever)
2. A Wilhelm Scream - "The Horse"
(They followed a course towards hell, How we gonna save ourselves?)
3. Third Eye Blind - "Bonfire"
(Oh we could live like kings
 If we take a risk
, Or we could live in doubt
)
4. Khoma - "In it for Fighting"
(All of those dreams that could have been...pumping, leaving my heart)


[A work in progress]