The internet has been spotty around here as of late. But here I am, posting once again.

It is funny how much of a difference just a few days can make in your life. Over the course of 3 days, I drove to and from Maryland, the Packers secured their spot in the Super Bowl, I freak out and eventually realized I had no reason to worry.

I've often thought about writing a book that incorporates a lot of my life experiences. A faux-memoir, as it were. Not a real one, not a biography - I feel that would be far to aggrandizing and self-congratulatory. But I've had a lot of experiences/moments in my life that would translate well into story format - run ins with drug dealers, falling in love with an unknown beauty at a concert, late night walks in surreal snowfalls...all of it.

But I have a hard time putting pen to page.
Part of it is my fear of failure. Part is laziness. Part is something else. I'm not sure what to call it at this point.

There are two scenes in the Harry Potter Books that make me cry. The first is in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, when Harry is possessed by Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic.

Dumbledore - "It isn't how you are alike...it is how you are not"
Harry - "You're the weak one...and you'll never know love or friendship...and I feel sorry for you."

The second is the Resurrection Stone scene.

GAAAAAAHHHH

I'm completely, totally, insanely, devotedly in love with a certain Emmabear.

I've always been a man who was a slave to his lusts and passions...and to be honest, those aren't gone now. However, all they require is for me to think for 0.30seconds and I'll reach the conclusion, "Why yes, I am more satisfied with who I have, and she completes me on an entire spectrum, not just on some physical level."

The minute your hand
reached out for mine,
bursting out of time.
Brought life through love,

Today

Today (well, technically yesterday), I told the most perfect and beautiful girl that I was going to eventually ask her to marry me. It's not the same as an actual proposal, but I told her that for a number of reasons. 1.) I've know it for about 6 months. 2.) If I didn't tell her...I'd've gone crazy.

But seriously. It is a powerful and overwhelming thing to know the person you love so much that one day you will ask them to marry you. And one day I'll ask her. And one day, I pray she'll find me worthy.

(2010 mixtape song)
5. A Wilhelm Scream - "In Vino Veritas II"

2010 Retrospective Mix Tape

2010 was overall a good year for me. I graduated college, snagged an amazing girlfriend, friends got engaged/married, etc... Still, there were some parts that were pretty shitty. I want to remember both aspects. I want to embrace all of life.

Looking at my Last.fm account...13 of my top 15 songs played throughout the year of 2010 were from A Wilhelm Scream. The other two were from Third Eye Blind. Here is a retrospective mixtape of my past year that includes more than just those two bands.

1. Rosetta - "Release"
(the problem with now is no matter how much we, it doesn't last forever)
2. A Wilhelm Scream - "The Horse"
(They followed a course towards hell, How we gonna save ourselves?)
3. Third Eye Blind - "Bonfire"
(Oh we could live like kings
 If we take a risk
, Or we could live in doubt
)
4. Khoma - "In it for Fighting"
(All of those dreams that could have been...pumping, leaving my heart)


[A work in progress]