Friendship

I know I say this so much, almost to the point of it being cliche, but I love my friends. And what I've come to know over the course of a few years is that life is really about who you surround yourself with.
And I'm too tired to wax existential about this topic.
I'll close with a quote my housemate told me...

"Happiness is only real when shared"



Life won’t wait for me to get back on both my feet again
But it doesn’t matter to me anymore
Just know that I’m going to get what I came for
‘Cause when opportunity knocks you have to let her in

Life

Sometimes, you have to go to a bowling alley with some friends...and maybe smuggle in a copious amount of alcohol and get kind of drunk and then go play Wii Mario Cart and be ridiculous.

Sometimes, you have to have a long day at work...and have it all turn out okay (even though you are feeling shitty, sick, and hungover) because you have some good friends there.

Sometimes, you have to go out and smoke Hookah with a group of close friends and new friends...and maybe everything will be amazing.

I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again...I have a great group of friends. They put up with my shit, hangout with me, and are generally just rad-tastic!!

No, the irony is not lost on me

I went out for a beer and some food tonight with my housemate, and we got to chatting as we do. And he brought up just how people are almost afraid of the outdoors nowadays. We surround ourselves with so much technology and modern comforts, we've forgotten what it is like to be outside. He told me about how when he goes home, all his friends want to do is just watch a movie or play video games. Now, both those activities are sweet, but what ever happened to going to the beach? or the classic Sunday afternoon drive? or hiking through the woods?

I'm not saying I am any better, but whenever I do spend time in Nature, there is a certain contentment I feel that I can't get anywhere else.

I know I've mentioned this several times before, but one of the things that really stands out about my semester in Hungary is the trip we took to Croatia. We spent the day digging holes, planting trees, and then I hoped on a shitty little bike and went riding with three friends. For that hour, we were free from the modern world. There were no power lines. We saw 2 cars. No cellphones. Nothing but the open road, surrounded by flowing fields. The setting sun.

And in that moment, we were infinite.

The Office

I'm not a huge huge fan of The Office, but there is a scene in the past episode I find especially moving. It is when Jim's brothers hijack the wedding and everyone starts dancing to Chris Brown's "Forever" (ala - that youtube video), and Pam's sister asks her "Wait, you're okay with this?" Even though her wedding had just been shanghaied, Pam was still okay with it, because it made everyone else happy.

That scene helped me realize - some things are bigger than you. Sometimes, things don't turn out exactly how you want them to, but if everyone else is having a great time, then what is the problem? You have to find contentment in yourself - but if a moment you had always wished for gets ruined by your friends, you have to be able to shrug it off and indulge in their happiness.

Change

Life is defined by change. Dynamics, situations, and relationships are fluid and ever shifting and rearranging. For a guy like me who likes things stable and consistent, change can be hard. But I was thinking today about how positive change can be. If life was static, stable, and secure like I sometimes wish...I would have missed out on some of the greatest times of my life. Would I be content in some stable/unchanging life? Maybe. Would I have lived a full life? Absolutely not.

I believe in the life that we seek.
It can far outweigh the risks we take.

But much as things will always change, it is important to hold onto some things. To stay grounded in what really matters and not just let life's unrelenting pace carry you adrift. For me, I hold on to certain moments in my life that truly captured something important and defining.

Walking alone in the rain at Birkenau.
Staying with BabyMamu until the very last possible second.
The smile and laughter of all the Roma children.
Sitting on Gellert Hill and just watching the clouds drift across the sky.

Real quick here!

I'm totally obsessing about Lights' new album "The Listening". Lyrically, it is so hopeful and uplifting. I really like the lyrics to the song "Lions!"


Be steady on your feet
No matter the trouble you meet

Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid

I'm learning how to get up off my knees and all it takes is practice


Such a good outlook to have on life.

Sometimes

Sometimes, instead of doing homework, you go out to the bar with a couple of good friends. Sometimes, you tell ridiculous stories. Sometimes, you laugh and enjoy the night. Sometimes, you are able to push away the cares of the world. Sometimes, you are thankful for such friends. Sometimes, you realize that life is more fragile than you'd like to believe.

And my Lord, how much more of this pretending to be strong?

I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it
'Cause I start losing my head and then I get up in a panic

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Why does my ankle still hurt like a SOB?!

The best worst influence you'll ever meet.

I have a good friend of mine (not a buddy, not an acquaintance, but a genuine friend) who once told me, "Paul, I love you because you make me a worse person." When I finally pressed him about what that meant he said, "You keep me grounded." There was one day when he had a rough night and got back at about 8am. I was drinking wine and finishing a paper. He came in, and said, "Is that alcohol?" I nodded. He walked up to me, grabbed the bottle, and took a long hard swig. I asked, "Hard night?" He simply nodded. We spent the next hour drinking wine and swapping stories. Finally, I went to Calvin, and he skipped class and went to bed.

The thing is though, that in his own words, I convinced him to "drink in the morning - a conventionally bad decision", but one that taught him to realize it is his life, a life he has to live for himself, and find peace for himself.

I may be a wino-existential mess, but I try to keep things real. I try not to hide my faults. I try to see the good in people. To give them the best advice I can. To urge them on toward their dreams. To urge them not to accept mediocrity. Take a risk.

When you grow old, what will you regret. The risk you took or the risk you didn't take?

Innocence reclaimed

I'm listening to the debut album from the musician Lights - "The Listening", and it is beautiful. Synthpoppy goodness. But the lyrics of the song "Pretend" really speak to me. It is about the loss/reclamation of that childlike innocence we all once had, but lost the older we got.

Remember the times
We had soda for wine
And got by on gratitude
The worst they could do to you
Was check your attitude

Yeah, when fights were for fun
We had water for guns
And a place we could call our own
How we lost hold of that
I guess I'll never know

It would be nice to start over again
Before we burn out
I'd give my breath
Let's play pretend

Bring me the Disco King

Somedays, you just have to skip class in order to ponder...what is the point of it all? This academic rat race. This sick slow decay. This stifling of your personal creativity. The fact that college/classes condition you to think a particular way. College has done a lot of good for me, but at the same time...what has it killed inside of me?

The Galilean Satellites

So, one of my favorite albums is "The Galilean Satellites" by Rosetta. It is a beautiful album, with one half being all heavy post-metal, and the other half being atmospheric ambiance. A contrast of night and day. Light and dark.

But what is really important is the story this album tells. It is about a man who becomes dissatisfied with the world around him, so he leaves for a place of solitude. When he arrives at that place, he realizes that he left everything meaningful to him behind and that he is ultimately empty.

Now, I like this theme because I often feel like the unnamed man in this story. There are plenty of times in my life that I just seclude myself from the world around me. Shut out my friends. Hole up in my room. Stare at a screen. But deep down, I always know how empty I feel when I do that. Life is about relationships. In the words of my favorite poet - No man is an island.

I just felt I needed to say that.


how long I’ve been away from your home,
how long – I’ve drifted away - I’ve drifted away

I miss them all,
the halves of me.
I’m wondering...

(dis)Connect

I was thinking today about how disconnected we all are now. In a lot of ways, technology allows for anyone to connect with anyone. My housemate is in China, and I saw his face this weekend. We email regularly. I click a button, and 5 seconds later, a letter is transferred to the other side of the world. Connected.

But at the same time, in person, everyone is so cold and detached. Walking along the path at Calvin today, I'd wager that at least 50% of the people were plugged into their iPod. Texting on their Blackberry. Avoiding the eyes of others. Disconnected.

Is this the kind of life we should be leading?