...if my girlfriend will still date me once she discovers that I un-ironically think that Nightranger is a great band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92bmlcmyq0&ob=av2e
Or that I have a love of late 70's post-punk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnVC0Mhv_k0
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I am now semi-gainfully employed by West Michigan Janitorial Services.
I am angling to work as a cashier at the Euro Bakery.
I am applying to be a writer for examiner.com
I will apply to write for Demand Media Studios.
I will break out of this rut.
And I've been so busy trying
that I've only wound up living
weekend to weekend
getting by just simply "trying"
And I should be out looking for a job
but only wind up heading for a stiff drink
left with nothing else so I think
"it's time to stumble home"
I am angling to work as a cashier at the Euro Bakery.
I am applying to be a writer for examiner.com
I will apply to write for Demand Media Studios.
I will break out of this rut.
And I've been so busy trying
that I've only wound up living
weekend to weekend
getting by just simply "trying"
And I should be out looking for a job
but only wind up heading for a stiff drink
left with nothing else so I think
"it's time to stumble home"
I want to get a part time job doing some kind of writing.
But I am hesitant to actually go out and apply.
I hate rejection.
I would hate to find out that I am not actually that great of a writer.
So rather than try and fail, I do nothing (another type of failure).
We'd rather leave no trace and not look back
Than face the anxiety here and now
But I am hesitant to actually go out and apply.
I hate rejection.
I would hate to find out that I am not actually that great of a writer.
So rather than try and fail, I do nothing (another type of failure).
We'd rather leave no trace and not look back
Than face the anxiety here and now
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Let me take a minute here...
...to depart from my normal introspective, angsty, whiny posts in order to bring you all a newsflash.
I saw Porcupine Tree tonight at the Orbit Room.
And.
they.
were.
fucking.
brilliant.
Setlist:
2 songs from 'The Incident'
Open Car
Russia on Ice
Anesthetize (2nd part)
Trains
Blackest Eyes
Start of Something Beautiful
Way Out of Here
Sleep Together
Due yourself a favor, listen to the song "Trains". And prepare to have your mind blown.
Steven Wilson is a genius!
I saw Porcupine Tree tonight at the Orbit Room.
And.
they.
were.
fucking.
brilliant.
Setlist:
2 songs from 'The Incident'
Open Car
Russia on Ice
Anesthetize (2nd part)
Trains
Blackest Eyes
Start of Something Beautiful
Way Out of Here
Sleep Together
Due yourself a favor, listen to the song "Trains". And prepare to have your mind blown.
Steven Wilson is a genius!
It is amazing what you can say with the simplest of gestures. Sometimes, you want to say that "You are the most amazing person I know, and I want to be near you forever", and a simple hug in bed is all you need. Sometimes you need to say, "You are the best friend a guy could ask for, and I always have you back - no matter what", and a hug and a clap on the back says that. Or even, "I've missed you all summed and I wish you had been here sooner", a gentle tap on the ass says that.
I have many friends.
And those friends respond in different ways.
And sometimes it is a slap on the ass.
Sometimes, it is a kiss on the nose.
I love them all. Each in their own way. Each as who they are. Faults, flaws, failures.
I have many friends.
And those friends respond in different ways.
And sometimes it is a slap on the ass.
Sometimes, it is a kiss on the nose.
I love them all. Each in their own way. Each as who they are. Faults, flaws, failures.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
2 years ago
2 years ago I went to Hungary.
You know what I got from that time?
A lot of blurry pictures and vivid memories.
You know what I got from that time?
A lot of blurry pictures and vivid memories.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Swing life away
A Thursday spent listlessly. Computer games, reading, computer games, reading, food, annoy roommate, repeat. And on and on and on. Another day wasted.
Until that selfsame roommate bursts into the room - "So, you busy tonight? Good - how do you feel about biking down to the Derby for some drinks...that's as far as I've gotten with the plan."
Of course, I'm in.
8:30 rolls around. Shirts, shoes, IDs - check.
5-10 minute bike down to the local dive.
"Two Leinenkugel Octoberfests. Tall."
"Here's to living the dream."
MMA on the big screen. Chunky dude with the polish last name vs. the cut 'merican looking guy.
"You been to Poland, what are the people like?"
"Every woman is beautiful, every man is a kind of nerdy and fugly."
A Maker's and a (tall) Sam Adam's Boston Lager.
Talk shit about our other housemate. The one that just can't get it together and man up. Who spends the rent on throwing knives in order to be "tactically sound"? And sure, I drink, but you don't see me slamming 40$ bottles of Belvedere. 10$ Sobieski for me - in addition to fine women Poland produces fine vodka.
Get a text. From the guy right next to me. That sly motherfucker.
"Fucking S______"
"I hear that. What's the frequency?"
"Fucking S_____"
Last call for us. Shot of Old Granddad. Better than the Maker's, which is too thin on the front end, but not nearly as good as its relative the 114. Old Granddad 114 will always be my sipping whiskey. Regardless, it is still good whiskey.
An argument between the bartendress and the kids next to us catches our ears.
"If you throw up, you do it outside, not in here, not in the bathroom - outside."
"Don't worry about us, we are old drinking veterans."
Boy, you don't look a day over 15. If you are are drinking veteran, then I am goddamn Theodore Roosevelt, Jr.!
Time to go. Unlock the bikes. Thank god they weren't stolen.
The night is perfect. Not too humid, the wind on my face, the pavement underneath. Not a sole on the street.
Bike past the local liquor shop.
"Hey Kev, watch the bikes. I gotta get me something."
"You know I got your back, brother."
"Pint a 5'oclock vodka."
"$4.44."
Glare of the neon signs of the Fish 'n Chips store and the pizzeria.
"Hey Kev...you hungry?"
"Up to you, man."
"Hot ham 'n cheese sub and an order of cheese sticks."
Holy god, that was the best meal I've ever had.
And then, after a night of hanging loose, talking shit, and being young, it turns, as it inevitably does, to something more important. Suddenly, it isn't two best friends at a bar drinking huge pints of beer reliving old stories of the glory days and crazy shit that happened in the past. Suddenly, it is two best friends walking along a deserted train track in the dark of night, each with a flask in hand, each being open.
Nothing is more beautiful than that. Two friends walking along an infinite road in the dead of night, opening up about who they really are. Their feet are going to kill in the morning (walking along train track rocks in paper thin sole-d shoes is the worst idea, in hindsight), but that doesn't matter.
For a moment, everything is perfect and put in perspective. For a second, you aren't the only one struggling through life with no direction. For a second, the myriad of choices you have are laid out before you, and any one of them is viable. For a moment, you are infinite.
It ends, at it always must.
But you go down into your room, after hugging your friend, and you sit down at your computer and think about the perfect song to sum up your night (your life).
For me, I define this sort of night with one song
"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against.
What about you?
Until that selfsame roommate bursts into the room - "So, you busy tonight? Good - how do you feel about biking down to the Derby for some drinks...that's as far as I've gotten with the plan."
Of course, I'm in.
8:30 rolls around. Shirts, shoes, IDs - check.
5-10 minute bike down to the local dive.
"Two Leinenkugel Octoberfests. Tall."
"Here's to living the dream."
MMA on the big screen. Chunky dude with the polish last name vs. the cut 'merican looking guy.
"You been to Poland, what are the people like?"
"Every woman is beautiful, every man is a kind of nerdy and fugly."
A Maker's and a (tall) Sam Adam's Boston Lager.
Talk shit about our other housemate. The one that just can't get it together and man up. Who spends the rent on throwing knives in order to be "tactically sound"? And sure, I drink, but you don't see me slamming 40$ bottles of Belvedere. 10$ Sobieski for me - in addition to fine women Poland produces fine vodka.
Get a text. From the guy right next to me. That sly motherfucker.
"Fucking S______"
"I hear that. What's the frequency?"
"Fucking S_____"
Last call for us. Shot of Old Granddad. Better than the Maker's, which is too thin on the front end, but not nearly as good as its relative the 114. Old Granddad 114 will always be my sipping whiskey. Regardless, it is still good whiskey.
An argument between the bartendress and the kids next to us catches our ears.
"If you throw up, you do it outside, not in here, not in the bathroom - outside."
"Don't worry about us, we are old drinking veterans."
Boy, you don't look a day over 15. If you are are drinking veteran, then I am goddamn Theodore Roosevelt, Jr.!
Time to go. Unlock the bikes. Thank god they weren't stolen.
The night is perfect. Not too humid, the wind on my face, the pavement underneath. Not a sole on the street.
Bike past the local liquor shop.
"Hey Kev, watch the bikes. I gotta get me something."
"You know I got your back, brother."
"Pint a 5'oclock vodka."
"$4.44."
Glare of the neon signs of the Fish 'n Chips store and the pizzeria.
"Hey Kev...you hungry?"
"Up to you, man."
"Hot ham 'n cheese sub and an order of cheese sticks."
Holy god, that was the best meal I've ever had.
And then, after a night of hanging loose, talking shit, and being young, it turns, as it inevitably does, to something more important. Suddenly, it isn't two best friends at a bar drinking huge pints of beer reliving old stories of the glory days and crazy shit that happened in the past. Suddenly, it is two best friends walking along a deserted train track in the dark of night, each with a flask in hand, each being open.
Nothing is more beautiful than that. Two friends walking along an infinite road in the dead of night, opening up about who they really are. Their feet are going to kill in the morning (walking along train track rocks in paper thin sole-d shoes is the worst idea, in hindsight), but that doesn't matter.
For a moment, everything is perfect and put in perspective. For a second, you aren't the only one struggling through life with no direction. For a second, the myriad of choices you have are laid out before you, and any one of them is viable. For a moment, you are infinite.
It ends, at it always must.
But you go down into your room, after hugging your friend, and you sit down at your computer and think about the perfect song to sum up your night (your life).
For me, I define this sort of night with one song
"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against.
What about you?
Monday, August 16, 2010
I can lie too easily. I can fake too easily. I can manipulate too easily. I can react appropriately too easily.
I have a lot of good qualities, but it is important to know your faults, your pitfalls, your weaknesses.
I can adapt and fake who I am in order to fit in. And at a certain point...when does it stop being act? What if the act becomes who I am?
I have a lot of good qualities, but it is important to know your faults, your pitfalls, your weaknesses.
I can adapt and fake who I am in order to fit in. And at a certain point...when does it stop being act? What if the act becomes who I am?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life...
...But why would I want to do a thing like that?
...But why would I want to do a thing like that?
Monday, August 9, 2010
I feel strange when I see people going through the exact same things I have gone through. It is strange for me to be on the otherside of those mistakes/actions and looking at someone else walking the path I just came from.
So here I am, a shot of Wild Turkey 101 bathing in the glare of this screen, wrapped in a bathrobe, thinking about past actions...and 30 Seconds to Mars' song "Alibi" comes on.
I fell apart
But got back up again
And that's really all it is. I've fallen apart so many times. Spent a lot of nights lying awake thinking about all the choices I've made, all the actions I've done that hurt someone else or myself.
You know, I'm not a saint.
But no matter how many times I fall apart (which is pretty frequent), I get back up. It may take a long while, my methods my not be perfect, but I get back up.
And I know, in the end, the people I see walking the same road I did...they'll get back up also. But until then, I hope I can be a small comfort.
So here I am, a shot of Wild Turkey 101 bathing in the glare of this screen, wrapped in a bathrobe, thinking about past actions...and 30 Seconds to Mars' song "Alibi" comes on.
I fell apart
But got back up again
And that's really all it is. I've fallen apart so many times. Spent a lot of nights lying awake thinking about all the choices I've made, all the actions I've done that hurt someone else or myself.
You know, I'm not a saint.
But no matter how many times I fall apart (which is pretty frequent), I get back up. It may take a long while, my methods my not be perfect, but I get back up.
And I know, in the end, the people I see walking the same road I did...they'll get back up also. But until then, I hope I can be a small comfort.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I had a glorious day today. Ladyface and her brother+his friend and I all went up to the cottage her grandparents rented on a lake.
It was a beautiful day. The kind of day that was meant to be spent at the lake. We sped around in the boat for a little while, pausing to take a swim, and polish off a Summer Shandy. Now, I hear a lot of trash talking about Summer Shandy, but sitting in the 90 degree weather in the middle of lake, flush and tired from swimming...nothing takes you to that place of perfect contentment like a Summer Shandy.
Went tubing. Ladyfriend is a maniac behind the wheel and managed to knock me off twice.
Went on the Sea-do. I got to pilot it for a bit...and man it was amazing! Nothing like the summer time air, the splash of the water, the wind whipping through your hair, and having an amazing girlfriend clinging on to you.
Ended the day with pizza and breadsticks.
A perfect afternoon.
It was a beautiful day. The kind of day that was meant to be spent at the lake. We sped around in the boat for a little while, pausing to take a swim, and polish off a Summer Shandy. Now, I hear a lot of trash talking about Summer Shandy, but sitting in the 90 degree weather in the middle of lake, flush and tired from swimming...nothing takes you to that place of perfect contentment like a Summer Shandy.
Went tubing. Ladyfriend is a maniac behind the wheel and managed to knock me off twice.
Went on the Sea-do. I got to pilot it for a bit...and man it was amazing! Nothing like the summer time air, the splash of the water, the wind whipping through your hair, and having an amazing girlfriend clinging on to you.
Ended the day with pizza and breadsticks.
A perfect afternoon.
I am this way
It is weird...I am in a committed relationship with a girl I really like/genuinely care about...but I still think about all the things that could go wrong/have gone wrong in past relationships.
Maybe it has something to do with me listening to way more songs that are about breaking up/endings rather than songs that are about beginnings.
Who knows. Regardless, I still feel the visceral emotional response when listening to songs like Anathema's "Are You There?"
But since you've been gone I've been lost inside
Tried and failed as we walked by the riverside
And I wish you could see the love in her eyes
The best friend that eluded you lost in time
Burned alive in the heat of a grieving mind
But what can I say now?
It couldn't be more wrong
Because that was me. In the past. And I do not/can not forget the past...
Maybe it has something to do with me listening to way more songs that are about breaking up/endings rather than songs that are about beginnings.
Who knows. Regardless, I still feel the visceral emotional response when listening to songs like Anathema's "Are You There?"
But since you've been gone I've been lost inside
Tried and failed as we walked by the riverside
And I wish you could see the love in her eyes
The best friend that eluded you lost in time
Burned alive in the heat of a grieving mind
But what can I say now?
It couldn't be more wrong
Because that was me. In the past. And I do not/can not forget the past...
I'm killing time
How many songs total: 11,533
How many hours or days of music: 42.5 days.
Sort by song title-
First song: "Take On Me" - A-ha
Last song: "Release" - 8th Day
Sort by time-
Shortest song: "2/4/943" - Entwine
Longest song: "Thrive Mix Presents: Electro" by LA Riots
Sort by album-
First album: "[A----B] Life"
Last album: "From Angels or Dreams"
Top five most played songs:
1. When I Was Alive: Walden III - A Wilhelm Scream (2:19), 56
2. In Vino Veritas II - A Wilhelm Scream (2:25), 53
3. The Kids Can Eat a Bag of Dicks - A Wilhelm Scream (3:44), 33
4. Me Vs. Morrissey In The Pretentiousness Contest (The Ladder Match - A Wilhelm Scream (1:45), 32
5. The Horse - A Wilhelm Scream (4:54), 30
Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death: 1123
Life: 187
Love: 368
Hate: 145
You: 823
Sex: 34
10 Shuffles-
1. "Believe" - Aiden
2. "The Touch" - Computorgirl
3. "Am I Evil?" - Metallica
4. "Ceremony Ek Stasis" - Minsk
5. "Alice" - The Sisters of Mercy
6. "For the Love I Bear" - Sentenced
7. "Sadistic Lullabye" - Soilwork
8. "Cosmic Retribution" - Arch Enemy
9. "Perfect World" - Blackfield
10. "Consumed" - The Hope Conspiracy
How many hours or days of music: 42.5 days.
Sort by song title-
First song: "Take On Me" - A-ha
Last song: "Release" - 8th Day
Sort by time-
Shortest song: "2/4/943" - Entwine
Longest song: "Thrive Mix Presents: Electro" by LA Riots
Sort by album-
First album: "[A----B] Life"
Last album: "From Angels or Dreams"
Top five most played songs:
1. When I Was Alive: Walden III - A Wilhelm Scream (2:19), 56
2. In Vino Veritas II - A Wilhelm Scream (2:25), 53
3. The Kids Can Eat a Bag of Dicks - A Wilhelm Scream (3:44), 33
4. Me Vs. Morrissey In The Pretentiousness Contest (The Ladder Match - A Wilhelm Scream (1:45), 32
5. The Horse - A Wilhelm Scream (4:54), 30
Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death: 1123
Life: 187
Love: 368
Hate: 145
You: 823
Sex: 34
10 Shuffles-
1. "Believe" - Aiden
2. "The Touch" - Computorgirl
3. "Am I Evil?" - Metallica
4. "Ceremony Ek Stasis" - Minsk
5. "Alice" - The Sisters of Mercy
6. "For the Love I Bear" - Sentenced
7. "Sadistic Lullabye" - Soilwork
8. "Cosmic Retribution" - Arch Enemy
9. "Perfect World" - Blackfield
10. "Consumed" - The Hope Conspiracy
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