I've strayed away from this blog for awhile because I've been writing in my paper journal. But sometimes you need to write fast, and I can't do that with a pen-and-paper journal. My hand doesn't keep up with my thoughts. There is no 'Delete' button.
A friend of mine recently talked about alcohol/alcoholism so art of me wants to talk about that...but not really. It is a great subject...but not for tonight.
I'm getting older.
Statement. I'm almost 23. I'm out of college, in a "real job" internship, thinking about Law School (if I go to Law School, that is another 3 years worth of school...I'll be 27 basically when I'm done), marriage has been tossed around a bit. Fuck, I'm getting old.
And the thing is...I know I'm getting older because in years past, I would have just run away from these sorts of issues. I would've packed bags, headed out West and been done with the problems of trying to sort out my life.
But here I am...nearly 23, loving my "real job" internship, applying to Law School (soon), entertaining the thought of marriage, realizing that a lot of my friends from highschool have spouses and kids.
Perspective shifts when you get older. When it happens, I'll never know.
But (as I always do), let me quote a song. This song puts it better than any other I've ever heard.
The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "Howwhywyz Howwhyam"
Am i getting older?
Are things getting harder?
I used to never cry when I would think about my father.
The years went by so goddamn fast,
You know, I've left a lot behind.
My devil may care attitude, you know, I just can't seem to find.
Once upon a time I never minded very much.
I never let it knock me down or grind me out of touch.
Once I had an outlook different than it is.
Full of dreams and schemes, it seems they just do not exist.
Once I told myself he will not be missed.
I never thought I'd see the day I'd ever feel like this.
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2 comments:
PM,
thank you for these - your own - fragments. i feel like i am also here in these words - needing to write fast, shifting into adulthood.
p.s. when i read your blog, i like to think you are something like augustine of the 21st century. keep writing that memoir.
-lnak
In a way, life almost feels like how I write. Fast. Short statements. Overwhelming. Too much at times.
We have shifted into adulthood, and somewhere things (our priorities) have changed, and it is interesting (sad?) to think about when those changes happened.
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