I will no longer pretend that I am writing for just myself. I have been doing that for so long, pretending that this is a place of solitude, a place where I can bare my soul. But I have to acknowledge that people read this. It is on the internet, so even if I believe that it is just myself and a friend or two, I know that to be untrue.
With that in mind...
...I have been drinking wine and energy drinks for the past several hours and listening to post-rock. First, I stumbled across the combination of Rosetta songs (their debut album was two separate discs meant to be played simultaneously...and I finally found that sonorous harmony). Then, I came across the band 'God is an Astronaut'. And I feel complete. No band has quite captured the state of my soul/spirit/heart like this band.
Of course, that could just be the terrible chardonnay talking.
Regardless, right now, I feel at peace. This week is going to be stressful beyond belief, but I am okay with that. I have no idea what I am going to be doing even 3 months from now...and that's okay. I have messed up a lot of relationships in my life, and I will always wonder "what if"...and that's fine.
I am not the perfect student. I am not the perfect friend. I am not the perfect son/brother/etc... I am not perfect. But I try.
The fact that I strive to be better/try does no in and of itself make me a good person. But the fact that everytime I mess up/fail/fall down...yet continue to get back up and give it another shot...that has to mean something, right?
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