In which I learn to realize my positive traits...

A friend of mine was killed last week. I met her when I was about 12, and then re-met her when I was....19? Paige Riley. Killed (along with two friends) by a drunk driver. It is so....fucked up (pardon the lack of eloquence) because she had been living in South Carolina for a couple of months and wanted to visit the Fox Cities again. She was so excited to go back home and reconnect with everyone. And the night she arrives, she is killed. She had just turned 20 a month ago, and it seemed like she was really falling in love with life and following her goals.

I often think about death and life's mortality, and I always wonder what my impact will be on the world. How will I be remembered after I am gone? I tend to be hyper-critical of myself and get so hung up on my myriad of vices, flaws, and shortcomings that I often forget or ignore any redeemable/good qualities that I actually possess. However, something a friend wrote the other day really inspired me, "You refuse to accept life as anything except for what it is..." and I think that is pretty true. I try my hardest to be very down to earth and to peel off the many facades and masks that we try to put on life.
I guess that is related to something a friend of mine said on the Hungary semester. A small group of us (four or five) were hanging out one night, and after drinking and dancing, we were sitting on the beds in my room, and we went around and said what we really liked about the others. And when it came to me, someone remarked that I inspired her because I didn't always freak about the minor details (and sometimes major details) like a lot of people on the trip - I was always the one saying, "Well, let's just see what happens."
I hope I can always retain this attitude. I spent a large chunk of my soon to be 21 years on this earth worrying about how to live my life, and it is only recently that I've started to really live at all. I'm not even close to where I want to be, but at least I'm finally making progress.

* * *

There are twenty years to go.
A golden age I know.
But all will pass, will end to fast, you know.

There are twenty years to go,
And many friends I hope.
Though some may hold the rose some hold the rope.

"Twenty Years" - Placebo