I'm currently job hunting. And it sucks, but listening to Agalloch's newest album Marrow of the Spirit helps get me through.
I've always loved their lyrics. A lot of naturalistic imagery. The music itself evokes images of wild, primal nature - vast, untamed forests; windswept, snow covered mountains....
They escaped the weight of darkness
to forge a path into the marrow of the spirit
They chose to drown in a deeper vacancy
an emptiness that quells the null
a pool for the forgotten
They escaped the weight of darkness
to drown in another...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I wouldn't consider myself a "religious" person. I try to "keep an open mind" (whatever that means) when it comes to those sorts of things. But as of lately, I've realized that I am wasting my life away - and that "wasting" cannot be ascribed to my genetic disposition or inherent calling for something else. Still, I hesitate to call this "wasting" as a 'wasting' of my "God given talents"...that feels like a cop out to me.
Rather, there is something else here. It's not a waste of my naturally given talents. Nor is it me wasting my God given talents.
Are people destined for certain things? I believe that maybe they are. Are people gifted with certain talents? Yes, they probably are.
Growing up, I was always taught that you had a specific calling in life, a Calling From God. I was taught that This Calling was something from the Divine.
It wasn't something that had to do with the talents you had.
But what if, for one second, we all forgot about what other people thought "God's intention" was for us. (Because, let's be honest...a lot of how you define yourself, at least in a Christian environment, is via what other people think of you and think what you will be). What if we all of the sudden synthesized our own lives - like Eric Liddell. What if we are called somewhere, but first we have to say, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast."
I once had a Religion prof. tell us a story - he was choosing between two jobs. A well paying and visible position as head pastor of a mega-church, or the two year teaching position to fill in for a different professor. (Theoretically, it shouldn't be that hard - stability and better money vs. two years of worse pay and then lets find a new job). But this man was in a quandary, and he turned to some friends who asked him, "Well, have you asked God for His plan?"
And do you know what my Prof. replied?
He said, "I have...and to be honest, it doesn't seem like it makes a big difference to Him. Both sides have their merits, both sides have their cons. God will be able to use me in either position, but I wanted your help to narrow it down."
Rather, there is something else here. It's not a waste of my naturally given talents. Nor is it me wasting my God given talents.
Are people destined for certain things? I believe that maybe they are. Are people gifted with certain talents? Yes, they probably are.
Growing up, I was always taught that you had a specific calling in life, a Calling From God. I was taught that This Calling was something from the Divine.
It wasn't something that had to do with the talents you had.
But what if, for one second, we all forgot about what other people thought "God's intention" was for us. (Because, let's be honest...a lot of how you define yourself, at least in a Christian environment, is via what other people think of you and think what you will be). What if we all of the sudden synthesized our own lives - like Eric Liddell. What if we are called somewhere, but first we have to say, "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast."
I once had a Religion prof. tell us a story - he was choosing between two jobs. A well paying and visible position as head pastor of a mega-church, or the two year teaching position to fill in for a different professor. (Theoretically, it shouldn't be that hard - stability and better money vs. two years of worse pay and then lets find a new job). But this man was in a quandary, and he turned to some friends who asked him, "Well, have you asked God for His plan?"
And do you know what my Prof. replied?
He said, "I have...and to be honest, it doesn't seem like it makes a big difference to Him. Both sides have their merits, both sides have their cons. God will be able to use me in either position, but I wanted your help to narrow it down."
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Protomen
I've been listening to The Protomen all day. A rock-opera based on Megaman? Yes please. I never really played Megaman or watched the cartoon show, but I love the whole concept behind these albums - very human and moving, not cheesy at all.
A mix of 1984, betrayal, romance, action - all set to this awesome mix of Sergio Leone/80's synth-punk.
My goal in life is to bring this to the stage.
"The State vs. Thomas Light" - the main character, Thomas Light, has been framed for the murder of his girlfriend by his best friend and co-creator of the robots, Albert Wily, and is being sentenced .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72dNF9LEhDE&feature=related
"Light Up the Night" - Light and the hopeful youth, Joe, make plans to retake the city from Wily's control.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkLvpt9Z3fA
There are the embers of a fire that's gone out,
But I can still feel the heat on my skin.
This mess where in, well you and I,
maybe you and I can
Light up the night
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I doubt all the time. I doubt some of the most basic things in my life. But I am trying to put that behind me. To reclaim faith and trust. It is hard...but it is necessary.
Forget your fears,
and want no more.
At first light, lay proud foundations.
Sense the greatness, of that before you unfolds.
Seek no more, for hollow answers.
Answers that lay within you all along.
Farewell to dawns,
see through saddened eyes.
Farewell to pasts,
to sorrows chained.
Forget your fears,
and want no more.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
You'll be adored,
you will have everything.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
Forget your fears,
you will have everything.
And want no more...
VNV Nation - "Lastlight"
Forget your fears,
and want no more.
At first light, lay proud foundations.
Sense the greatness, of that before you unfolds.
Seek no more, for hollow answers.
Answers that lay within you all along.
Farewell to dawns,
see through saddened eyes.
Farewell to pasts,
to sorrows chained.
Forget your fears,
and want no more.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
You'll be adored,
you will have everything.
You will be strong,
and want no more.
Forget your fears,
you will have everything.
And want no more...
VNV Nation - "Lastlight"
Anachronistic and impulsive.
The other day, I had a lucid dream.
Lucid dreams are both amazing and terrifying. In my dream (in which I was...not awake, but at least aware), there were extraterrestrial entities after me who wanted to control me via my dreams. They took the form of my family. They attacked me, and I had to kill them. I was forced to kill my family in my dreams.
It was terrible.
There is no underlying morality or message here. Other than...sometimes dreams are terrible things. Terrible, scary, fascinating, wonderful, horrible places.
Your dream world is a very scary place to be trapped inside
-Anathema
Lucid dreams are both amazing and terrifying. In my dream (in which I was...not awake, but at least aware), there were extraterrestrial entities after me who wanted to control me via my dreams. They took the form of my family. They attacked me, and I had to kill them. I was forced to kill my family in my dreams.
It was terrible.
There is no underlying morality or message here. Other than...sometimes dreams are terrible things. Terrible, scary, fascinating, wonderful, horrible places.
Your dream world is a very scary place to be trapped inside
-Anathema
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