Ever since I was a child, I have done something which I only realized this year can be turned into artwork. It started at Church. I would get the program, and (I believe) to keep myself entertained, I would use a pen or pencil to trace over a given word in a sentence, so that it stood out. There was no rhyme or reason as to why I did this. I would simply pick words that I found visually appealing. Words that needed to stand out.
I've done that for years. And only in January did I learn about Dadaism and realize that...I am maybe making art.
Here's a poem from tonight
Sin spoke
Pale teeth
Arm outstretched
Truth withheld.
Or this
Rumor reconciled legacies
Aesthetic gives qualities
Interviews memorable
Remember impressions
Similarities classic
A fun one
The sometimes here educators all are American Scotch Calvinists
Or a serious one
Virtues of religion have opposite fortunes
Music
Melodic sounds spoiled
Either inter-contrapuntal counterpoint
Octaves together take that logical line
Simultaneously which happens as
Other problematic voice
Polyphonic complicated
represents intellectual implications convincingly
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Lions make you brave
I had a great day. Finished a paper, went to class, understood the material, walked in the sunlight, work...
...
then I got home. I started thinking about this summer. How to pay for everything. How to get a job. How to volunteer.
And it was a bit overwhelming.
(Okay, it was 'panic attack' overwhelming)
I'm used to things just falling into place in my life. I'm not used to trying/working to make things happen. But from here on out...the most basic of things is going to be a struggle.
And while I was suffering from the panic attack, I started writing a resume, and it was terrible...but Ladyface texted me, and I kept on writing. And I have a good portion of my Resume written out now. And that's a big deal for me.
So here I am.
More fragile than I care to admit. More fallen than I wish. Weaker than I want to be. But as the old saying goes, "Fall down 7 times, get up 8."
Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid
I'm not the hunter, I'm not the marked
Just looking for wisdom in the dark
I'm terrified of growing up and being out of college. But I am also determined to beat that fear. And yes, it is going to suck - conquering my fears and insecurities - but it is something I can do. And I will find a job. And if that doesn't make me happy...it's okay - it's not my Vocation. I'll just volunteer somewhere. Or spend my time writing. Or write a story about some orphan children in Ukraine.
I'm learning how to get up off my knees and all takes is practice
Be ready on your feet
No matter the trouble you meet
...
then I got home. I started thinking about this summer. How to pay for everything. How to get a job. How to volunteer.
And it was a bit overwhelming.
(Okay, it was 'panic attack' overwhelming)
I'm used to things just falling into place in my life. I'm not used to trying/working to make things happen. But from here on out...the most basic of things is going to be a struggle.
And while I was suffering from the panic attack, I started writing a resume, and it was terrible...but Ladyface texted me, and I kept on writing. And I have a good portion of my Resume written out now. And that's a big deal for me.
So here I am.
More fragile than I care to admit. More fallen than I wish. Weaker than I want to be. But as the old saying goes, "Fall down 7 times, get up 8."
Lions make you brave
Giants give you faith
Death is a charade
You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid
I'm not the hunter, I'm not the marked
Just looking for wisdom in the dark
I'm terrified of growing up and being out of college. But I am also determined to beat that fear. And yes, it is going to suck - conquering my fears and insecurities - but it is something I can do. And I will find a job. And if that doesn't make me happy...it's okay - it's not my Vocation. I'll just volunteer somewhere. Or spend my time writing. Or write a story about some orphan children in Ukraine.
I'm learning how to get up off my knees and all takes is practice
Be ready on your feet
No matter the trouble you meet
Monday, May 3, 2010
How to spend a day
What started as a pretty shitty morning/afternoon ended up being a great night.
I was still feeling morose at 5 when I called Ladyface. However, she came over holding a pan of brownies. Guess who has two thumbs and is in a great mood? This guy! And then we made some chicken alfredo. Nothing to fancy - two chicken breasts, green/red peppers, carrots, on top of fettuccine, smothered in alfredo sauce. Garlic bread on the side. It was simple yet delicious. Loafed on the couch for an hour, just talking.
And this next sentence will maybe blow the lid off of your reality.
I should have been dating a lot sooner because having a gf really helps out my desire to study.
Yeah, scope this - after dinner and conversation, we both totally did homework for like...3 or 4 hours straight. I did all of my senior sem. reading, wrote the discussion post. And that is a big chunk of work done for the week. Now I just have two weak-ass papers that I can hammer out in a couple hours of concentrated effort.
It is just nice to have someone beside you, not distracting you, but there to be a distraction if you need it. Someone who is working studiously which in turn makes you want to be extra studious.
Again, I always come back to the band Haste
Turning bad days into better nights.
Waving smoke out the window,
catch my hand against the background of night.
Dragging fingertips through constellations.
Something about that line - turning bad days into better nights. That's what today was.
I was still feeling morose at 5 when I called Ladyface. However, she came over holding a pan of brownies. Guess who has two thumbs and is in a great mood? This guy! And then we made some chicken alfredo. Nothing to fancy - two chicken breasts, green/red peppers, carrots, on top of fettuccine, smothered in alfredo sauce. Garlic bread on the side. It was simple yet delicious. Loafed on the couch for an hour, just talking.
And this next sentence will maybe blow the lid off of your reality.
I should have been dating a lot sooner because having a gf really helps out my desire to study.
Yeah, scope this - after dinner and conversation, we both totally did homework for like...3 or 4 hours straight. I did all of my senior sem. reading, wrote the discussion post. And that is a big chunk of work done for the week. Now I just have two weak-ass papers that I can hammer out in a couple hours of concentrated effort.
It is just nice to have someone beside you, not distracting you, but there to be a distraction if you need it. Someone who is working studiously which in turn makes you want to be extra studious.
Again, I always come back to the band Haste
Turning bad days into better nights.
Waving smoke out the window,
catch my hand against the background of night.
Dragging fingertips through constellations.
Something about that line - turning bad days into better nights. That's what today was.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The night starts here
Sometimes, the simplest things really brighten my day. I've been in a funk all day, skulking about, doing nothing. Even cleaning the house didn't make me feel any better. It was bad.
But then I called ladyface, and she said "Hello dear", and it was the cutest thing of all time. And she is making brownies, and we are going to eat food in an hour.
And I am listening to Stars.
And I'm still a bit mopey, but it is great that there are people out there who are happy. And how they can unintentionally brighten someone else's day. Or how you find that one album that brightens your spirits, even if just a bit.
[Of course, none of those things will write papers for me]
But then I called ladyface, and she said "Hello dear", and it was the cutest thing of all time. And she is making brownies, and we are going to eat food in an hour.
And I am listening to Stars.
And I'm still a bit mopey, but it is great that there are people out there who are happy. And how they can unintentionally brighten someone else's day. Or how you find that one album that brightens your spirits, even if just a bit.
[Of course, none of those things will write papers for me]
4 words for you
4 words...
...
Calm
the
fuck
down.
You can sit here wondering all day.night. Worrying. Not knowing.
Or...you could sit here all day.night focusing on other things. Not worrying. Rejoicing. Being productive. (still) Not knowing.
Either way, there is no guarantee. So just chill out, have a little trust, and see what happens.
...
Calm
the
fuck
down.
You can sit here wondering all day.night. Worrying. Not knowing.
Or...you could sit here all day.night focusing on other things. Not worrying. Rejoicing. Being productive. (still) Not knowing.
Either way, there is no guarantee. So just chill out, have a little trust, and see what happens.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
time traveling blues
Nobody puts me in the fuckin' zone like Orange Goblin.
You know that place I'm talking about.
When you are just sitting back, nodding your head to the music.
Feeling on top of the world.
Soaking in every guitar note.
An auditory slow dance.
Intimate.
All day with this song (I think it is the piano in the background. It transports me to a smoke filled bar...more of a saloon. Crusty, dirty, but everyone is together.)
"Time Traveling Blues"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C2hgivqwJ8
Oh baby, my time has come
I'm gonna step aboard this ship today and head for the sun
Don't know what I'll see there
Don't know what I'll find
But baby, I'll be happy if I find a peace of mind
You know that place I'm talking about.
When you are just sitting back, nodding your head to the music.
Feeling on top of the world.
Soaking in every guitar note.
An auditory slow dance.
Intimate.
All day with this song (I think it is the piano in the background. It transports me to a smoke filled bar...more of a saloon. Crusty, dirty, but everyone is together.)
"Time Traveling Blues"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C2hgivqwJ8
Oh baby, my time has come
I'm gonna step aboard this ship today and head for the sun
Don't know what I'll see there
Don't know what I'll find
But baby, I'll be happy if I find a peace of mind
today yesterday tomorrow.
I am wear shorts, rocking scraggly facial hair, barefoot, listening to The Postal Service, about to grill-out. My life is pretty sweet.
Last night, I worked on a paper, got halfway done with said paper, went to a party, didn't get drunk, hugged my friends, lay out on the grass with a lady, listened to the rain fall, watched the cat watch the rain, told myself to calm down, slept peacefully. Last night was pretty sweet.
Tomorrow I will, finish up on previously mentioned paper, finish up a different paper, eat leftovers, make some chicken alfredo for a certain sweet lady, drink a little bit of wine, continue doing homework. Tomorrow will be pretty sweet.
Last night, I worked on a paper, got halfway done with said paper, went to a party, didn't get drunk, hugged my friends, lay out on the grass with a lady, listened to the rain fall, watched the cat watch the rain, told myself to calm down, slept peacefully. Last night was pretty sweet.
Tomorrow I will, finish up on previously mentioned paper, finish up a different paper, eat leftovers, make some chicken alfredo for a certain sweet lady, drink a little bit of wine, continue doing homework. Tomorrow will be pretty sweet.
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