Stealing booze from a friend's wedding is a new low, even for me...but that didn't stop me. A bottle + 1/4 of Honey Mead later, I'm feeling good. Ahh....alcoholism, do you know no end?
I'm remembering all the times when I felt that I was infinite and life was full of endless possibilities. I wish I could get that naivety back.
Why is that Mewithoutyou can almost fully express my feelings through song lyrics? "I'm not the boy I was / but I'm not that man I'll be!"
I just have to snap out of this slump, really soon, otherwise I might break down.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Just a smalltown girl....
Holy shit...Ryan Murphy can have my children. All of them. "Glee" is quite possibly the best new show to hit the airwaves since....since a long while. It has the underdog appeal that "Mean Girls" had, the witty/sharp dialogue of "Nip/Tuck", and the universal appeal of any coming of age story.
I'm watching their version of "Don't Stop Believing" on repeat. It just stirs my soul.
Other than that, I'm drinking some decent sweet-ish red wine, not doing my homework, not studying for my exam, and examining my life.
I'm watching their version of "Don't Stop Believing" on repeat. It just stirs my soul.
Other than that, I'm drinking some decent sweet-ish red wine, not doing my homework, not studying for my exam, and examining my life.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A look at the summer
June 25 - Dropkick Murphys (The Orbit Room)
July 10 - Lacuna Coil / Kill Hannah /Seventh Void (The Intersection)
July 12 - The Veronicas (The Intersection)
July 10 - Lacuna Coil / Kill Hannah /Seventh Void (The Intersection)
July 12 - The Veronicas (The Intersection)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Everything was beautiful...and nothing hurt
Fuuuuuck. I'm not even drunk and I'm feeling all angsty and heartbroken. And I'm listening to Mewithoutyou and thinking about her. It kind of sucks that we listened to this album together when driving around.
Goddamnshitfuck that this is so cliche. Wow, I'm all heartbroken over my "first love". Just get the hell over it already.
But I won't give her the satisfaction of coming begging and wondering. That's what doomed it from the start.
I missed what I was supposed to learn
as all I learned about was missing you.
Goddamnshitfuck that this is so cliche. Wow, I'm all heartbroken over my "first love". Just get the hell over it already.
But I won't give her the satisfaction of coming begging and wondering. That's what doomed it from the start.
I missed what I was supposed to learn
as all I learned about was missing you.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Existential Crisis continues
I'm skipping class and listening to Kill Hannah instead. Thankfully, I have one of the nicest profs of all time. Hopefully I'll be able to pull myself together by this weekend.
I was reminiscing with a friend the other day, and I remembered all the good times I had in the past. I was so different back then. I used to care, used to try. Now, it seems all I can do is fuck up.
But I will keep going. I will change it all. I'm determined not to fail like I've seen so many others.
Turn up the radio
I need it more than ever now
(more than ever now)
I remember, remember everything
all the tracks that shaped and changed me
inside of speeding cars
and lying on your floor
When we were living in a broken world
We turned it up and then we watched the city burn
I was reminiscing with a friend the other day, and I remembered all the good times I had in the past. I was so different back then. I used to care, used to try. Now, it seems all I can do is fuck up.
But I will keep going. I will change it all. I'm determined not to fail like I've seen so many others.
Turn up the radio
I need it more than ever now
(more than ever now)
I remember, remember everything
all the tracks that shaped and changed me
inside of speeding cars
and lying on your floor
When we were living in a broken world
We turned it up and then we watched the city burn
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I dream of the Apocalyspe
Last night, I went to bed early with the window open so that I could listen to the storm.
And I dreamed about the end of the world.
It began Heroes themed. A vast number of people were acquiring powers and using them for their own benefit. Much as the government tried, there was nothing that they could do. Angela Petrelli, a few others, and myself tried to reform Primatech in order to maintain control of the 'specials', but the government sent a team to capture us. After we were captured, the government started using robots in order to capture the 'specials'.
Fast forward several years - some kind of nuclear holocaust has destroyed most of the planet. I was fortunate enough to be at one of the few remaining bastions - a massive citadel/compound where we had stockpiled food, clothes, weapons, etc... We knew a vast robot army was in Europe and that it was only a matter of time before they crossed the Atlantic and found us (we were located somewhere in the Great Plains). I spent a lot of my time in our massive underground warehouse checking inventory, parceling out supplies to people, and so on. However, I knew that the High Command was trying to find the code in order to activate the few remaining nuclear defenses (some located in space, some not) in order to target the robot army and destroy them.
However, the robot army reached the other surviving city, located somewhere in Scandinavia, and because the defensive turrets were not online, they easily wiped out that city. We knew we had just a few short weeks before they arrived, and without hope of finding the nuclear launch codes, the High Command gave the order to evacuate the base in hopes of fleeing into the Wastelands and hiding from the robot army. We were preparing when our scanners picked up a large army heading for our base. We believed that it was the robots. Somehow, it only took them days, not weeks, to reach us. We armed ourselves and steeled ourselves for battle.
It didn't take them long to breach our perimeter, and I and many others locked ourselves in Knollcrest and prepared to sell our lives and dearly as possible. We could hear the enemy pounding on the reinforced walls and doors, but when we looked through the viewport, we realized that we weren't fighting robots but a mutant horde. The mutants were animal looking, mostly pig/warthog-like with sharpened quills covering their body. They broke through the walls and we opened fired. They were all around us and we kept falling back more and more until there was a group of about 50 of us fighting back to back, covering four different directions.
Suddenly, it dawned on us that the mutants were no longer trying to kill us. From the openings in walked human mutants who apparently had control over the pig-like mutants (who had also originally been human but had been subjected to more intense mutation).
The human-mutants told us that they too were fleeing from the robots and that we should join together. It was at this point that the leader of the mutants touched my head and told me that he knew all about my drug addiction and my desire to go through life feeling nothing, and I realized that the mutants were actually the 'specials'. Due to their already mutated genetics (manifested by their powers), all the radiation had affected them but not us 'normal' humans.
We joined up, and began the long trek into the Wastelands. We had been traveling for some days when we got word that the robot army was a day behind us. We prepared to make our stand. And as the sun rose the next day, we humans and mutants stood and looked across the valley to see the robot army arrayed against us.
And then the thunder woke me up.
And I dreamed about the end of the world.
It began Heroes themed. A vast number of people were acquiring powers and using them for their own benefit. Much as the government tried, there was nothing that they could do. Angela Petrelli, a few others, and myself tried to reform Primatech in order to maintain control of the 'specials', but the government sent a team to capture us. After we were captured, the government started using robots in order to capture the 'specials'.
Fast forward several years - some kind of nuclear holocaust has destroyed most of the planet. I was fortunate enough to be at one of the few remaining bastions - a massive citadel/compound where we had stockpiled food, clothes, weapons, etc... We knew a vast robot army was in Europe and that it was only a matter of time before they crossed the Atlantic and found us (we were located somewhere in the Great Plains). I spent a lot of my time in our massive underground warehouse checking inventory, parceling out supplies to people, and so on. However, I knew that the High Command was trying to find the code in order to activate the few remaining nuclear defenses (some located in space, some not) in order to target the robot army and destroy them.
However, the robot army reached the other surviving city, located somewhere in Scandinavia, and because the defensive turrets were not online, they easily wiped out that city. We knew we had just a few short weeks before they arrived, and without hope of finding the nuclear launch codes, the High Command gave the order to evacuate the base in hopes of fleeing into the Wastelands and hiding from the robot army. We were preparing when our scanners picked up a large army heading for our base. We believed that it was the robots. Somehow, it only took them days, not weeks, to reach us. We armed ourselves and steeled ourselves for battle.
It didn't take them long to breach our perimeter, and I and many others locked ourselves in Knollcrest and prepared to sell our lives and dearly as possible. We could hear the enemy pounding on the reinforced walls and doors, but when we looked through the viewport, we realized that we weren't fighting robots but a mutant horde. The mutants were animal looking, mostly pig/warthog-like with sharpened quills covering their body. They broke through the walls and we opened fired. They were all around us and we kept falling back more and more until there was a group of about 50 of us fighting back to back, covering four different directions.
Suddenly, it dawned on us that the mutants were no longer trying to kill us. From the openings in walked human mutants who apparently had control over the pig-like mutants (who had also originally been human but had been subjected to more intense mutation).
The human-mutants told us that they too were fleeing from the robots and that we should join together. It was at this point that the leader of the mutants touched my head and told me that he knew all about my drug addiction and my desire to go through life feeling nothing, and I realized that the mutants were actually the 'specials'. Due to their already mutated genetics (manifested by their powers), all the radiation had affected them but not us 'normal' humans.
We joined up, and began the long trek into the Wastelands. We had been traveling for some days when we got word that the robot army was a day behind us. We prepared to make our stand. And as the sun rose the next day, we humans and mutants stood and looked across the valley to see the robot army arrayed against us.
And then the thunder woke me up.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Springtime Existentialism
I've recently been questioning a lot of things about my life.
Why am I in college? What do I really want out of life? What's the point?
You know, all those sorts of questions.
Christ, I'm so cliche.
Why am I in college? What do I really want out of life? What's the point?
You know, all those sorts of questions.
Christ, I'm so cliche.
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