How I was, How I am

I've strayed away from this blog for awhile because I've been writing in my paper journal. But sometimes you need to write fast, and I can't do that with a pen-and-paper journal. My hand doesn't keep up with my thoughts. There is no 'Delete' button.

A friend of mine recently talked about alcohol/alcoholism so art of me wants to talk about that...but not really. It is a great subject...but not for tonight.


I'm getting older.

Statement. I'm almost 23. I'm out of college, in a "real job" internship, thinking about Law School (if I go to Law School, that is another 3 years worth of school...I'll be 27 basically when I'm done), marriage has been tossed around a bit. Fuck, I'm getting old.

And the thing is...I know I'm getting older because in years past, I would have just run away from these sorts of issues. I would've packed bags, headed out West and been done with the problems of trying to sort out my life.

But here I am...nearly 23, loving my "real job" internship, applying to Law School (soon), entertaining the thought of marriage, realizing that a lot of my friends from highschool have spouses and kids.

Perspective shifts when you get older. When it happens, I'll never know.
But (as I always do), let me quote a song. This song puts it better than any other I've ever heard.

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "Howwhywyz Howwhyam"

Am i getting older?
Are things getting harder?
I used to never cry when I would think about my father.
The years went by so goddamn fast,
You know, I've left a lot behind.
My devil may care attitude, you know, I just can't seem to find.
Once upon a time I never minded very much.
I never let it knock me down or grind me out of touch.
Once I had an outlook different than it is.
Full of dreams and schemes, it seems they just do not exist.
Once I told myself he will not be missed.
I never thought I'd see the day I'd ever feel like this.